What I learned about myself during this whole pandemic crisis
I’m sure some, if not, all have experienced something changing within themselves during this pandemic. I am not exempted since this phenomenon impacted everyone and I mean every single one in the whole world. Tragically, some lives were lost (may their souls rest in peace) and some lives have changed drastically, including me. To be honest though, nothing much had been happening in my life anyway since the start of all this. I was taking a break from job hunting and was staying at home unemployed for about a few months when lockdown started in March 2020. During that time I remember I was so alarmed at being single as fudge and not having someone to call my own when all my peers are getting married, some are even starting a family. I did some shenanigans that I wasn’t proud of, but thankfully God still loves me despite me having made stupid decisions. In the course of this pandemic, I learned a lot about myself. Here are my realizations:
1. I am not ready to be in a relationship nor do I want to get married/ have a family in the future
There is just too much as stake. I have a mental health issue and I don’t want to be stressed out with a lot of things that will trigger my anxiety and depression. I can be perfectly fine on my own, in contrary to what others might think that, for example that I haven’t moved on from my ex, or that I am simply too crazy to settle down. No, these things aren’t true. I am single by choice because prevention of stressing out/ dying too soon is better than cure.
2. I actually still want to be a nurse someday
Since I will be single forever, might as well focus on my career. I’m still 27 years young, I have a whole bright future ahead of me. I’m still fascinated by the healthcare industry and wanted to be in this field for a long time even if life took me on a different path, I still dream of winding up in this course. Now that everything has been paused, it suddenly made clear to me this is what I want to pursue. Even if it takes me longer than expected, I will get there.
3. My parents are my best friends
I don’t have that many friends ever since I came to live here in Canada, that was 8 years ago. Though I’ve met many people young and old, it could never compare to the joy I have when I hang out or even just be with my parents. They’re just so wise and, surprisingly, fun! I love them so much. I don’t know what I will do without them. Though I have to learn to be independent too for future circumstances, just being with my parents now made me grateful God has given me a wonderful set of heroes to look up to.
4. Brothers are for life
Not to mention my brothers, they too are MVP! I just love my brothers so much! I would do anything for them because they understand me better than anyone else in this world. I thank the Lord for having wonderful, kind siblings that take care of me when I’m down. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
5. Lastly, God has been, is and will forever be with me, all the days of my life.
Throughout this crisis, this pandemic, God had different ways of showing me His Mercy and Love, and not to mention His Faithfulness as well. I have given Him many reasons to unlove me, but His reckless and relentless Love still pursues me and my family each and every time. And for that, I am grateful to Him. I am not exempted from the woes of life, the depression, the anxiety, the unfortunate events, but every time I run to God, He helps me up and immediately I am back on my feet again. Thank You, Lord. I love You so much.
We most definitely do not know when this pandemic will end. But one thing is for sure, God knows and He is doing His utmost best to save us from this calamity. Lord, thank You for changing me through all this. It truly is a humbling experience. The realizations and learnings I received, I will cherish them forever.